i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
