drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Sext me about skeletons
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
