Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
