Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
