The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
