Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
