redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
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The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
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Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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