I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My dad just said "fuck circus"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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