My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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