Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
