Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
