i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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