had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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