We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
