Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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