I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Welp...herpes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
