can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
