Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I love you. Go after that dick
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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