U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
