Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
