I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
