if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
