Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
