So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
