I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
