I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
