booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
