those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
