smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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