We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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