You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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