I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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