Its about making memories worth repressing
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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