I could make wine with my vomit
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
