I'm eating all of the evidence.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Even my vagina gasped.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
