So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
