doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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