I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
