I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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