hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
