who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
