Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
