So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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