I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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