the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Randomize
