NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
