Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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