I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
