i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
