Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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