using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
