I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There r osticjed everywhere
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
