It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
