I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
