remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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