Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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