whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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