and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
