Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
