I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
