he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
