Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
