I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Rumble strips road head = magical
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
