we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
