Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
