When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
