It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
