So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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