My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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