Your mouth is God's brothel.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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