that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
