Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
