Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
