I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
