She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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