I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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