end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
