its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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