I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
