Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize