She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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