On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
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I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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