Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
