I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
