So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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